🌟 -----------------------> What I AM is what I AM.
Take me back. ..
Speaking of, if you'll allow me to philosophize...
The concept of self is so nebulous, I can barely put it into words. But then again, isn't that the whole point of "self"? It can change at any time, in any context, for anyone. It's almost completely random; everything in the universe can influence it, but the way it comes out can still be basically anything. Be it how you view yourself, how you view others, and how others view you -- there are HUNDREDS of perceptions of "you" in the world. Some find that idea scary, but I find it massively refreshing.
The SELF is the WHIM, the WHIM is RANDOM -- RANDOM is CHANCE, CHANCE is KARMIC.
Are you confused? I know I was. How does it all RELATE, you ask?
I don't know the specifics, myself. I've been pouring over it, but my realization is for all intents and purposes fairly recent. Give it time. For now, you either get it, respect it, or don't.
My best advice from this jumpoff point is to maybe not spend so much time trying to "pull yourself together". Being consistent isn't always a good thing. From experience, you can get caught in some really bad thought patterns and refuse to shake them off because of the almighty banner of CONSISTENCY. (Sometimes it's regular old nasty habits that stick around, and sometimes it's OCD symptoms. There, I said it.)
"Consistency", in its most common non-"disordered" form, is akin to the concept of normality. To be "normal" is to suppress your true self, to enshroud it in shame and hatred, and to pull yourself further away from...well, yourself. What can be done about this? It's simple - you must SHUN the mantle of normality and acceptability, and go UTTERLY off the deep end. Yes, it's a lot to take in... I find myself slipping into pleading at the door of control and composure every now and then. Now, since enlightenment, I am slowly coming to the beautiful realization that CHAOS = GOD and ROUTINE = DEVIL.
Never settle for false selfhood. Claiming originality and yet remaining "sane" enough to be profitable helps noone except those taking advantage of you. It costs you true sanity. It's like exchanging the horrible rusty fishhooks in your guts for clean stainless steel paperclips. On paper, it's an improvement, but you're still in AGONY, right? The true strategy is to hide in plain sight, authentically, waiting for your chance to explode outward often with CATASTROPHIC UPENDINGNESS.
Once you reach the great realization, everything you seemed to believe before will feel so stupid, so blind, so...Empty. That happens to everyone. Shocking, but common. Yes, you can see the truth but not accept it - Watch it run up, before it reaches you. The realization that you are your own savior seems so far away until it's come to hit you upside the head with a dead fish. What to do in the meantime? Well, I'd say to go over what you think "YOU" entail. Take a look in the mirror, project your own ideas onto yourself, and realize that you are what you've been looking for this entire time. Moving with "THE FLOW" is deeply un-conducive to this. SELF ACCEPTANCE as it is doesn't reveal to you anything that wasn't already staring you in the face the entire time. After this, the scales tip in your favor. Come to know you, and you will come to know yourself. But I digress...
The Shordurpersav is rooted in the idea that you may pick and choose a god at your leisure. One may make a god out of anything, and once you're done with it? GET A NEW ONE. Oh yes, very novel indeed. Why am I bringing this to your attention, though? The answer is simple -- I believe it to be a deeply intuitive system. I am endorsing it. Chaos magicians in years past took to the tradition of rolling dice to decide what religion they would observe that month, or year, or even just one day. SOUNDS FUN DOESN'T IT?
As you can probably tell, I kowtow to no sensationalized, organized, anesthetized "Religion" myself. No shame in it...usually. No, I'm afraid that no god is good enough for me. I don't see why we need just one. What I ACTUALLY believe probably can't be elaborated on in any short terms, but the TL;DR is that: Concepts are given power and enriched by belief, and the one I just happen to resonate the most with is SELFHOOD/CHAOS. This has lead me down the path of Discordianism, and studying that has encouraged me to integrate aspects of other beliefs into mine. To coagulate my own truth. Obviously, since the Shordurpersav is fleeting, not to mention that SELF and CHANCE is quite nebulous, it will change forms many times, as I do.
With this, I encourage you to use my complete insanity as the jumpoff point for you, YOU, to locate your own Shordurpersav. It doesn't have to be nearly as involved as mine. It can be far shorter duration. One can find god anywhere -- In the cracks of a wall, in a seafood dinner, at Olive Garden, in a discarded plushie on the side of the road, in a website, in a memory, in a video game. PERHAPS EVEN...IN YOU? Much to think about.
So, why does this page exist?
Questions such as , "WHY did you make this site", and "WHY are you the way that you are" seem fairly common. Common enough to address, that is. This obviously won't cover everything but please take the following in good faith.Site Thesis
This website serves as a representation of myself, as an "evil lair", and a destination for sightseers, followers and dissenters alike. Its ORIGINAL purpose is mainly as a vehicle to self-actualize in ways I usually can't. I want it to aesthetically, visually, aurally, and textually scream "HI, I'M ME." (Of course I would want that, for a few reasons.) Essentially, its function is to be a pocket of space in which I've compiled my RELEVANT ESSENCE, albeit in few words. I guess that's basically everybody's goal for their personal site, but "defining self" is actually a very prevalent theme in my whole life.Speaking of, if you'll allow me to philosophize...
Something Close to : a Personal Thesis
Who are YOU? No, really. I don't mean your name or your legal classifications -- WHO are YOU, as a concept? Do you think about that particularly often? I do. Maybe not about you specifically, but it's on my mind a lot.The concept of self is so nebulous, I can barely put it into words. But then again, isn't that the whole point of "self"? It can change at any time, in any context, for anyone. It's almost completely random; everything in the universe can influence it, but the way it comes out can still be basically anything. Be it how you view yourself, how you view others, and how others view you -- there are HUNDREDS of perceptions of "you" in the world. Some find that idea scary, but I find it massively refreshing.
The SELF is the WHIM, the WHIM is RANDOM -- RANDOM is CHANCE, CHANCE is KARMIC.
Are you confused? I know I was. How does it all RELATE, you ask?
I don't know the specifics, myself. I've been pouring over it, but my realization is for all intents and purposes fairly recent. Give it time. For now, you either get it, respect it, or don't.
My best advice from this jumpoff point is to maybe not spend so much time trying to "pull yourself together". Being consistent isn't always a good thing. From experience, you can get caught in some really bad thought patterns and refuse to shake them off because of the almighty banner of CONSISTENCY. (Sometimes it's regular old nasty habits that stick around, and sometimes it's OCD symptoms. There, I said it.)
"Consistency", in its most common non-"disordered" form, is akin to the concept of normality. To be "normal" is to suppress your true self, to enshroud it in shame and hatred, and to pull yourself further away from...well, yourself. What can be done about this? It's simple - you must SHUN the mantle of normality and acceptability, and go UTTERLY off the deep end. Yes, it's a lot to take in... I find myself slipping into pleading at the door of control and composure every now and then. Now, since enlightenment, I am slowly coming to the beautiful realization that CHAOS = GOD and ROUTINE = DEVIL.
Never settle for false selfhood. Claiming originality and yet remaining "sane" enough to be profitable helps noone except those taking advantage of you. It costs you true sanity. It's like exchanging the horrible rusty fishhooks in your guts for clean stainless steel paperclips. On paper, it's an improvement, but you're still in AGONY, right? The true strategy is to hide in plain sight, authentically, waiting for your chance to explode outward often with CATASTROPHIC UPENDINGNESS.
Once you reach the great realization, everything you seemed to believe before will feel so stupid, so blind, so...Empty. That happens to everyone. Shocking, but common. Yes, you can see the truth but not accept it - Watch it run up, before it reaches you. The realization that you are your own savior seems so far away until it's come to hit you upside the head with a dead fish. What to do in the meantime? Well, I'd say to go over what you think "YOU" entail. Take a look in the mirror, project your own ideas onto yourself, and realize that you are what you've been looking for this entire time. Moving with "THE FLOW" is deeply un-conducive to this. SELF ACCEPTANCE as it is doesn't reveal to you anything that wasn't already staring you in the face the entire time. After this, the scales tip in your favor. Come to know you, and you will come to know yourself. But I digress...
Being Self-ish, and "GOD" as we know it
Have you heard of a ShorDurPerSav? It stands for Short Duration Personal Savior. This concept, hailing from the satiristic minds of the Subgenius church, hails new ground in that it argues that ONE SAVIOR IS NOT ENOUGH. Most traditional religions tend to point you to one god and tell you to stick with it, but with the invention of the Shordurpersav, some say -- "NOT SO".The Shordurpersav is rooted in the idea that you may pick and choose a god at your leisure. One may make a god out of anything, and once you're done with it? GET A NEW ONE. Oh yes, very novel indeed. Why am I bringing this to your attention, though? The answer is simple -- I believe it to be a deeply intuitive system. I am endorsing it. Chaos magicians in years past took to the tradition of rolling dice to decide what religion they would observe that month, or year, or even just one day. SOUNDS FUN DOESN'T IT?
As you can probably tell, I kowtow to no sensationalized, organized, anesthetized "Religion" myself. No shame in it...usually. No, I'm afraid that no god is good enough for me. I don't see why we need just one. What I ACTUALLY believe probably can't be elaborated on in any short terms, but the TL;DR is that: Concepts are given power and enriched by belief, and the one I just happen to resonate the most with is SELFHOOD/CHAOS. This has lead me down the path of Discordianism, and studying that has encouraged me to integrate aspects of other beliefs into mine. To coagulate my own truth. Obviously, since the Shordurpersav is fleeting, not to mention that SELF and CHANCE is quite nebulous, it will change forms many times, as I do.
With this, I encourage you to use my complete insanity as the jumpoff point for you, YOU, to locate your own Shordurpersav. It doesn't have to be nearly as involved as mine. It can be far shorter duration. One can find god anywhere -- In the cracks of a wall, in a seafood dinner, at Olive Garden, in a discarded plushie on the side of the road, in a website, in a memory, in a video game. PERHAPS EVEN...IN YOU? Much to think about.